Nice to know that, even in the side of the family you like, hypocrisy can still run rampant. Then again, when it's the side of the family you like -- it hurts all the more.

It almost feels like a betrayal.

Yeah -- so much for going to her bachelorette. If I go up to NYC, it'll be just for her -- sometime when it can be just her, me and her fiancée. I have no desire to spend any time with the rest of them.

Guess this is what I get for fucking being proud of my nieces.

Was stuck in a hospital waiting room for five hours.

My uncle went into the hospital earlier this week for some blockage in his lower end. For those of you keeping score at home, this is my dad's brother. The one who just divorced his wife a few years back and married the woman he was having the affair with. Sidebar: he and wife number four are in the process of getting a divorce.

Apparently, he had been doing better all this week. I haven't been in to see him because I've been going through the seventh circle of hell at the Playhouse with this damn concert this weekend. At about 8pm, I get a call from my dad saying that Uncle Mark is going into surgery. He blew a hole in his intestine from all the built up pressure. I ended up leaving rehearsal around 9:30 when I just couldn't stand it any longer. Went home, changed, and went down to the hospital with the folks.

Basically -- we wanted to be there for my aunt. I personally... couldn't do what she did tonight -- waiting all night for the man who committed adultery SEVERAL times to come out of surgery but none of us wanted to be alone. Particularly because Andy (my cousin and their son) refuses to even speak to his father. And Andy never came down all night. Which, hi, I don't care if you're fighting with someone. When there's a medical emergency like this, you put differences aside. Once he's out of the woods go back to hating him. But in this case where my uncle could have died from this? Yeah, really smart, Andy.

At about 12:30am he came out of surgery and the doctor talked to us. As soon as the words 'life threatening' were used, the four of us were deadly quiet. They ended up removing a large portion of his colon and they're still going to have to go in again and look at the blockage, but the doc said it didn't look or feel like cancer, and he thinks it's diverticulitis related. (Which, my Uncle has had that diagnosed for YEARS now). So they're going to let him heal before doing anything else. The good news was that he got into surgery before he could turn septic... which really would have been the kiss of death. Knowing that the drug that counters septic is about $10,000 a dose, it could have... been really not good. I think I'm still in shock over that whole bit.

Finally at about 2:30 am we were able to see him in the ICU. He's doing well (or as well as can be expected at the present).

It's... just been one helluva night.

This has just been... such a crap week. Scratch that, a crap year.

Seriously. Where's that restart button.

I'm actually really thankful I have a meeting with my therapist tomorrow to do some unloading. ♥ I appreciate all the offers to chat but there are times when in person is just... it's different. I've tried talking to my parents about Anj, but they just don't get it. I think it's a generational thing, really.

They see her as an acquaintance and several times when I've tried to talk to them about it, I get corrected when I refer to her as a friend. In their minds, because I never sat down and had coffee with her, she's not a 'true friend'. Did we exchange a boat-load of IMs? No. But we made a connection, and sometimes that's all that matters.

On top of that... my grandfather's in the hospital. Those of you who have been around here for a while know there's... not much love lost with him anymore. He's now speaking to us... it's been over a year since we exchanged words after he hung up on my mother after telling her twice to 'shut up'. How HE remembers it... he called THREE months ago and tried to tell mom that he fell and she wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise. Which is a total lie. But now he's ill and has been in and out of hospital for the past couple of weeks. I honestly don't know how I feel about this, but I see how it's tearing dad apart right now. He hates his father with a passion, yet he still is his father and my dad has to deal with all of this. On top of that, my uncle and the woman he cheated on my aunt with and married two years ago (her fifth, his fourth marriage) -- are now on the outs.

There's family stress. There's me not really being able to mourn the way I need to mourn.

This gets easier, right?

♥♥ in case I haven't told you guys lately -- I love you all. I honestly and truly do.

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy and fun christmas for those who celebrate the holiday. If not, I hope you have a great next few days! ♥

I managed to get all my cards out on time this year. Of course, in my zeal to mail them -- I got them out but didn't actually get to my PO box before Christmas. So *g* will be looking forward to a nice parcel of mail awaiting me. :D

Christmas... shall be very different this year, in that my cousin is dating a woman 10 years older than he is, with two children. We're not on speaking terms with my grandfather (yes, still. we haven't spoken since about March) -- so I know it's weighing a lot on my dad. My Grandfather and I had a tradition that every year, I called on christmas eve to wish "Buona Vagilia" and on Christmas Day, "Buon Natale." (forgive the most likely butchered spellings. I've only ever said it -- never wrote it down!). This year... there will be no phone calls. No seeing him. And while he's a bastard... it's still hard. Not doing anything on Christmas is the affirmation that he is really dead to us until he apologises to my mother. And since we all know he never will... It's like losing a relative you never had a chance to make peace with. Yeah, it's going to be a hard Christmas.

And also -- I've had a rough year. Seems like RL loves nothing more than to continually kick me in the proverbial balls every chance it gets. I just... thanks for being here for me and being folks that I know I can turn to when the going gets rough. I love you all so much.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a happy time with their families. And if there isn't happy times -- that's why god invented alcohol.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I hope everyone had a fantabulous Thanksgiving!! And for those of you who didn't have a holiday, hope you had a good Thursday!

Mine... kinda sucked but that's neither here nor there. Let's just say that, once more, family drama managed to strike and oh did it strike hard. *mutters darkly*

But this is the last call for any and all holiday cards. I'll be sending emails with my address around, should you want to send me a card in return. *g*

The Poll on LJ for Cards || The Screened post on IJ for Cards

♥♥